A Lousy Day

As my afternoon with the Pte. was winding down, I was getting quite frustated at the lack of time we get to spend together. This week I got to see him for less than 24 total hours. As of September 10th, I won't be able to see him for almost two months. This is the life of an Army Wife it seems.

So how do I manage to survive this type of marriage? Honestly, I haven't a clue. I'm really taking it day by day. What's getting me through this evening is focusing on the quality of time that we spend together vs. the quantity of time. To me this means:

- lots of hugs, kisses, and hand holding
- doing activities that require looking at and talking to each other (i.e. board games vs. renting a movie)
- getting down on the floor and playing with our daughter
- eye contact
- putting ourselves in situations where we have to be our own entertainment - not the computer/radio/tv, etc.

This is not the type of lifestyle we're used to. That being said, we're used to spending time together each and every day and that's a luxury we may not always have. To me, it is frustrating being left at home to tend to the baby, the dog, the house, the bills, etc. while he is off having fun at work with his friends. To him, it is frustrating not getting to be around for all the little things, missing us, and wishing he could be home with us instead. I think sometimes it is hard to see through your own frustrations in order to acknowledge how the other person feels...

Today was not a good day. Today was a yelling at each other in the yard, questioning if we should end the marriage kind of day. It's hard this love thing. I just hope that we never get to the point where our love is not enough. I feel quite selfish complaining about my life. I think that is why I've become quite quiet on the blog front since switching to an "Army Wife" blog from my previous "This Is Me" kind of blog. I don't want to bad mouth my husband's profession. I don't want to come off as petty for complaining about not seeing the Pte. for a week when some don't see their spouses for months. But this blog is about me and I am having a tough go of it right now. I need a place where I feel like it's safe to vent without being judged. Down the road this may no longer be it, but for now - it'll have to be....

- The Mrs.

M.I.A.

So, I have been quite absent lately. I do apologize for that. On top of life being... well, life, I just can't bring myself to log out of my shop's gmail account in order to log into my personal gmail account. Yup. Pure and simple laziness. My dear, dear friend.

But, since I am here now - a little update, point form style (with photos):

-Christmas is coming!! Did you know that? I am to have my shopping done by Halloween. I'm pretty sure this can be done. The most difficult part will be the second part of this plan which is to not buy anymore gifts after October 31st. I am notoriously bad for this! I always come across the most perfect present for so-and-so ever, buy it, and then give them far too many items (therefore, spending far too much money). This will be tricky. Someone hold me to it!?!?!

-Pinterest seems to be taking over my life again. When I'm not pinning a million things, I am going back through the hundreds of items that I have already pinned in hopes of finding some crafting/decorating inspiration. I am having a harder and harder time caring about how my house looks now that it won't be a forever home. Sigh. The life of a military wife... Luckily I have a 1st birthday party to plan and a super special holiday to prep for (Christmas, duh!). Here is a Pinterest find that is quickly becoming a headache of a holiday gift - luckily I have a few months to tweak it:

- We have officially started trying to conceive our second (and last - according to the Pte.) child. This brings on an onslaught of miscarriage fears that I'm not sure I have recovered from from the first time around. I am ridiculously lucky (and thankful) to have such a beautiful little girl but I will always mourn the baby that wasn't meant to be. Anyway, don't be expecting any big news anytime soon - the military has conveniently scheduled the Pte. to be away for training purposes for my next 3 or 4 months of ovulating (so far). You know what they say, If the Army wanted you to have a child, they would have issued you one - of course they typically say that about wives. Luckily I squeaked in just before the Army got their hooks into the Pte.

- Being an Army Wife is something that I am so amazingly proud to be. Something that I strive to improve on each and every day. Something that is ridiculously hard to handle. There, I said it. The Army is my husband's number one priority 90% of the time. It sets some pretty high standards for the other 10% of the time. The other 10% which is typically filled with sleeping, watching Army movies, talking about Army training, talking about or to his Army buddies, and getting ready to leave us and head back to his life on the base. It is frustrating and a hard pill to swallow. It is hard enough to shove a weeks worth of love and affection (and attention!) into 48 hours without making the majority of it Army focused. But like I said, I strive to improve on my Army Wife duties every day. To wrestle with the dog when she stares after me hoping Daddy will be getting out of the Jeep too. To give our little girl extra hugs and kisses and Dad Dad loves you so much's. To remind myself that the Pte. is doing something so amazing, that he truly loves, and that doesn't mean he loves me any less. Yeah, work in progress...

- My sweet Bubby Girl is crawling on her hands and knees, clapping her hands, making kissy noises with her mouth as she waves goodbye, climbing up onto everything, standing without holding onto anything, laughing, and crying her sweet little crocodile tears. She is more than I could have ever wanted and all that I could ever need. Her and the Pte. are the loves of my life. I'm a very lucky girl.

On that note, I will end this update with the hope that I will check back in more frequently. It's good for my sanity - spelling it out like this. It's a little me time that isn't distracted by life. Now if only I can pull myself away from the computer in order to continue the scarf I'm knitting for the Pte....

- The Mrs.

The Pte. is being helicoptered out of the field at some point today in order to attend his best friend's wedding. Although I wish he could have the time off to spend with me and Elodie, I am pretty thankful that I get to spend my evening checking him out in a suit and tie. The Pte. looks damn good in a suit and tie.

- The Mrs.

Sacrifice

The Pte. and 3 other soldiers were asked who would like to volunteer to do the next portion of their training in a neighbouring province instead of at the base down the road. No one volunteered so the instructors were going to "voluntold" someone. When The Pte. called me last night and told me about this, he also told me that he explained to the instructors that he didn't volunteer because of me and Elodie and our current close proximity. The instructors seemed to understand this and The Pte. was under the impression that he would be finishing out his training locally.

I should be thrilled about this right? Well, I wasn't. Something just didn't sit right with me about this. As a brand-new Army Wife I know that I will be required to make many sacrifices so that my husband can pursue his career with the Canadian Forces. I am ready and willing to do this because I see how happy he is, how much he is excelling, and how proud he is of himself. Because of this, I think it is important to volunteer/accept any reasonable offer that comes his way. Elodie and I cannot become an excuse for him to not do everything he needs to do to excel at his chosen career.

So what did I do? I explained to him my train of thought and suggested he talk to the instructors today in order to volunteer to finish out his training on another base. The Pro's: He will get a new set of instructors, get to train on an amazing base, and get to spend some time with his brother who is stationned there. The Con's: We won't be able to see much of him (it's about a 6 hour drive one way). It's a sacrifice that I am willing to make though. Sad as it will be to be apart so long, I see it as an opportunity to acclimate ourselves to his being away before he (potentially) heads to Alberta for two months. Baby steps instead of cold turkey is the way that I see it.

I haven't had a chance to speak with him yet today so I'm not sure if the instructors took him up on that offer or voluntold someone else to go. Either way, he will have it in his mind that I support his decisions to improve his career - even if it means getting left behind.

-The Mrs.

Love.

Sunsets and cheeseburgers. Swimming with the babe and the dog. Walks on the beach. Mini golf. Stolen kisses. Holding hands. Mmm, loving every last bit of this weekend with The Pte.

- The Mrs.

Lazy Day at the Lake

I had to deliver some diapers to a loyal customer today. While we were down in that end of the Valley, we (my Mama, and Elodie, and I) decided to try and track down a friend at the lake. We knew she was on vacation but had no updated number for her so we kind of just showed up. Luckily Elodie is cute and makes niceties like calling ahead unnecessary. Anyway, we had SO much fun. Elodie bumped her head as she does often since hitting the climb-up-on-everything stage. To calm her down I decided to dunk her feet into the lake. Well, that was not enough for my water baby! She plunked herself down on her fluffy butt and splashed in the water.

Then, much to my surprise, a family of 11 ducks came swimming around. I'm talking within a foot of us:

They are the funniest/cutest/odd little animals. They look so calm and reserved above the water while their feet are paddling like mad underneath the surface! When they bob under the water in search of food, and their butts pop up into the air, I can't help but think about Donald Duck for some reason and it makes me chuckle. Funny, funny little things they are. Elodie, or course, couldn't care less about them. She was far more interested in seeing how many rocks she could get into her mouth before her Nan noticed and pulled them out again. Love that kid!

After we left, Elodie passed right out in her car seat which is amazing for a tired old mama like me. Especially since that kid has been too cool for naps and normal bedtimes for the past week and a half. My Mama and I even managed to sneak a trip through the Tim Horton's drive-thru for some much needed Iced Capp's while the babe slept peacefully in the back.

The Pte. and the rest of the people on his course took a late night trip to a larger military base in a neighbouring province Tuesday night. They arrived for some all day training with the big guns (C9's I believe but don't quote me on that one) and then took another late night bus trip back here last night. He must have arrived back to base around 2:30am because he started to send me text messages. I happened to still be up with a very cranky Elodie, pacing back and forth and trying to get her to go back to sleep. This was the photo that I sent The Pte:

This is one very tired Mama and very cranky baby!

The Pte. is due home tomorrow for the entire weekend which seems like such a luxury at this point. I am so overwhelmed with the one million things I would love to do while I have him to myself (camping, trip to the zoo, trip to the new adventure park, trip to the local-ish theme park, etc) but we will most likely do a whole lot of nothing. That's why I love him - he loves lazy, plan free days as much as I do!

- The Mrs.

The Pte.

My husband is amazing. Of course I would think so, or you'd think I wouldn't have been so inclined to marry him. But he really is a pretty amazing guy. He honestly excels at everything he does (except for Scrabble). Well, it turns out that Elodie, his mother, and I are not the only ones who find him so amazing. Turns out that the Canadian Forces does as well. So awesome that they're encouraging him to apply for a two month course being offered September 10th. Did I mention it's taking place in Alberta? Yeah. Being accepted into, and completing, this course will do amazing things for The Pte's military career (especially if her hopes to be deployed in the future). I am so very proud of him...

So proud in fact that I bit back my tears and told him that I absolutely would not allow him to decline this opportunity. It will mean two months with him training on the other side of the country. It will mean him missing his daughter's first birthday. It will mean him leaving less than two weeks after he finishes the course that he is currently on. It will mean so many things, good and bad...

But I am so proud of him. He is such an amazing husband, father, and now, infantry soldier. But damn I will miss him!

- The Mrs.

Army Wife Revelation # 1

While you're busy sending your sweet hubby photos of everything going on at home so he doesn't miss anything, he will be busy sending you photos of his gun. Thanks Pte.

-The Mrs.

Gimme A Break

Please someone tell me that I'm not a bad parent for needing a break from my kid?!?!?! I love my sweet little girl! Aside from meeting The Pte. (and all that came with that), she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love her smiles, her silly faces, her snuggles, watching her sleep, and on and on and on. But sometimes, especially after a night where she was up 4 or 5 times, I just really need a break. Like, please oh please sweet child of mine, please just nap! And then she doesn't... She doesn't and I really just want to pull my hair out. She's cranky and screaming and aggressively rubbing her eyes because she is tired. I'm cranky and exhausted and overwhelmed because I didn't get to sleep last night either. It's a lethal combination. Okay, it's not a lethal combination at all. With The Pte. on base, my Mom is here to help me out (thankfully). But man, do I ever feel like a bad parent when I just sit at the computer letting her scream from her crib for an extra five minutes knowing full well that she is not going to nap. Eventually my Mom goes up and saves her and plays with her and gives her the love and affection that I would have gotten around to doing eventually. And I sit at the computer, dwelling over the latest example of my less-than-stellar parenting skills. Sigh...

-The Mrs.

Well, I did it. After hours of scouring through my 900+ pins, after a few failed attempts at creations that just weren't meant to be, and after a few half completed crafts that will be finished another day - I found the right pin for me to create!

If you are in the Pinterest world you may (or may not - it's a big realm) have noticed all the homemade white boards. You pretty much take a picture frame, put some cute paper inside of it, and VOILA you've got your very own dry erase/white board. Couldn't get much easier than that and so that is what I did. I created a menu planner for the kitchen with the days of the week filled in and a blank spot to write the main meal for that day. And maybe, just maybe, I will actually use it. And maybe, just maybe, it will help with our grocery budget like all those "frugal" websites say it will.

I plan to add a photo in the future. It is pretty darn cute and certainly worthy of a little recognition. But... I can't find my tape. And when you can't find your tape, you can't tape down all the letters used to spell the days of the week. And when you can't tape down all the letters used to spell the days of the week, they all fall willy nilly around inside the frame. And when they fall willy nilly around inside the frame, he's going to want a cookie to go with it. Sorry, a visit to the used bookstore lead to me coming home with an armload of books - one of them being "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie".

- The Mrs.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow I am going to create something that I have pinned on Pinterest. I will not go to sleep tomorrow until I have accomplished this task. Tomorrow.

-The Mrs.

Life without The Pte. is running quite smoothly so far. Not to say that I don't miss him and wish he were here - I do, and I do! It's just that I know I won't see him much for the next two months and so I'm living life day to day. I don't think about the numerous days that I won't be seeing him. I just wake up in the morning, complete my daily tasks, and await his evening phone calls. Oddly enough it's almost easier than when he was away for weekends because the day he was expected home was always so slow! And that day would torturously (sp?) happen every. single. week. Now, that day may not happen until August 29th whichissofarawayIcannotpossiblythinkaboutitrightnowwithoutgoingcrazy! Sigh.

In other news, I have been offered a job overseeing a children's craft table at a local farmer's market. It's a 4 hours/once a week gig that seems to be right up my alley. Guess it's about time that I put my Early Childhood Education degree to some use! I did a trial run on Wednesday - face painting/seashell painting. Pretty enjoyable stuff. Luckily I have my Mama around to save my sanity watch the little one while I'm busy with the shop/potentially working at the market. But how do you not love a face like this:

... even if she is a little rascal!

- The Mrs.

The Pte. is back to the base in T-minus 4 hours. Worst case scenario we won't see him for the next two months. Best case scenario they'll let him come home for weekends. With the Canadian Forces, no matter how many times you're told something and no matter the rank of the people telling you - you just never know til the time comes. It just may be a long, sad two months... But I'm trying to hold it together because I know the Pte. has got it worse. Our little miss is growing like a weed and he will miss so much of that over the next two months. Taking it one day at a time though, and gosh, we certainly could use the $$$!

-The Mrs.

Used Curriculum Sale

The Pte and I went to a homeschooling used curriculum sale in town last night. We went with an open mind (and a few dollars) to see what they had to offer. There was quite the crowd but luckily we were within walking distance and arrived just as they were opening. There were many religious textbooks (not our cup of tea) and lots of textbooks aimed at older children but we still managed to get a few good finds.

For $14 we bought:
-Little Critter Cowboy (Board Book) - $0.50
-Canada 123 - $0.50
-Canada in Colours - $0.50
-Skill Drills Workbook - Math Grades K to 1 - $0.50
-Rockets  - FREE
-Usborne Beginners Sun, Moon and Stars - FREE
-Eyewitness Explorers Human Body, Usborne What Happens To Your Food, and Children's First Book of the Human Body - $2.00 for all 3
-Usborne Internet-Linked Book Of Knowledge - $3.00
-Classroom Helpers Book Reports for Grade 2 - $2.00
-Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader boardgame (Canadian Edition) - $5.00

We are both pretty excited about the prospect of homeschooling Elodie. We are even more excited about the fact that they hold these Used Curriculum Sales yearly so we have another 4 or 5 years to slowly gather books for her schooling :)

-The Mrs.

Homeschooling

Without going into a rant about the public school system, I would just like to say that I hope to homeschool Elodie when she is ready for her schooling to begin. The Pte. at first wanted nothing to do with it but the more I explained my reasonings, the more he came around to the idea. Getting him on-board is my first goal. Becoming confident with my abilities to be the main educator of my baby girl is a close second.

That being said, I brace myself for the doubt that will be put in my head by naysayers. The negative comments I am sure to receive. The concern people will send my way about my poor child's socialization without public school. But then I read blog posts like this: Socialization in Today's Public School and I'm thrilled that at least one other person understands that public school doesn't always offer ideal opportunities for children to create healthy social lives.

I am not a trained teacher. I am not proficient in all the subjects that I plan to offer my child - not by a long shot. Heck, I'm starting my curriculum research now because I'm not even confident that I will be able to teach her everything I hope she will want to learn.

So, what can I do, you ask? Well, I can provide her a relaxed and loving environment. I can offer her hands on learning and not just worksheets. I can tailor her curriculum to her needs and learning style. We can slow down if she's stuck on something or speed up if she grasps a subject completely. I can teach throughout the entire year so that we don't spend the first few schooling months re-learning the things we learned at the end of the previous school year. I can use the things she is interested in to help her learn. For example, if she goes through a frog phase I can use her interest to teach her about the life cycle, the difference between amphibians and reptiles, and even the responsibility of caring for a pet - to name a few. I can offer her a stable schooling environment even if the Canadian Forces deem it necessary to move us.

Every parent has to make a decision about what they think is best for their child. There is nothing wrong with me trying this and having it not go as planned. There is nothing wrong with me opting to put Elodie into public school after the first year, or her ninth year of homeschooling. But, there is also nothing wrong with us trying this and succeeding! I just hope that everyone in our life will allow us this opportunity to succeed without too much negativity.

-The Mrs.

A new blog to commemorate this new chapter of my life. I have no doubt that life as an Army Wife will have it's own set of successes and challenges so please, join us for the ride!

- The Mrs.