Sunday, August 26, 2012

A Lousy Day

As my afternoon with the Pte. was winding down, I was getting quite frustated at the lack of time we get to spend together. This week I got to see him for less than 24 total hours. As of September 10th, I won't be able to see him for almost two months. This is the life of an Army Wife it seems.

So how do I manage to survive this type of marriage? Honestly, I haven't a clue. I'm really taking it day by day. What's getting me through this evening is focusing on the quality of time that we spend together vs. the quantity of time. To me this means:

- lots of hugs, kisses, and hand holding
- doing activities that require looking at and talking to each other (i.e. board games vs. renting a movie)
- getting down on the floor and playing with our daughter
- eye contact
- putting ourselves in situations where we have to be our own entertainment - not the computer/radio/tv, etc.

This is not the type of lifestyle we're used to. That being said, we're used to spending time together each and every day and that's a luxury we may not always have. To me, it is frustrating being left at home to tend to the baby, the dog, the house, the bills, etc. while he is off having fun at work with his friends. To him, it is frustrating not getting to be around for all the little things, missing us, and wishing he could be home with us instead. I think sometimes it is hard to see through your own frustrations in order to acknowledge how the other person feels...

Today was not a good day. Today was a yelling at each other in the yard, questioning if we should end the marriage kind of day. It's hard this love thing. I just hope that we never get to the point where our love is not enough. I feel quite selfish complaining about my life. I think that is why I've become quite quiet on the blog front since switching to an "Army Wife" blog from my previous "This Is Me" kind of blog. I don't want to bad mouth my husband's profession. I don't want to come off as petty for complaining about not seeing the Pte. for a week when some don't see their spouses for months. But this blog is about me and I am having a tough go of it right now. I need a place where I feel like it's safe to vent without being judged. Down the road this may no longer be it, but for now - it'll have to be....

- The Mrs.

Friday, August 24, 2012


So, I have been quite absent lately. I do apologize for that. On top of life being... well, life, I just can't bring myself to log out of my shop's gmail account in order to log into my personal gmail account. Yup. Pure and simple laziness. My dear, dear friend.

But, since I am here now - a little update, point form style (with photos):

-Christmas is coming!! Did you know that? I am to have my shopping done by Halloween. I'm pretty sure this can be done. The most difficult part will be the second part of this plan which is to not buy anymore gifts after October 31st. I am notoriously bad for this! I always come across the most perfect present for so-and-so ever, buy it, and then give them far too many items (therefore, spending far too much money). This will be tricky. Someone hold me to it!?!?!

-Pinterest seems to be taking over my life again. When I'm not pinning a million things, I am going back through the hundreds of items that I have already pinned in hopes of finding some crafting/decorating inspiration. I am having a harder and harder time caring about how my house looks now that it won't be a forever home. Sigh. The life of a military wife... Luckily I have a 1st birthday party to plan and a super special holiday to prep for (Christmas, duh!). Here is a Pinterest find that is quickly becoming a headache of a holiday gift - luckily I have a few months to tweak it:

- We have officially started trying to conceive our second (and last - according to the Pte.) child. This brings on an onslaught of miscarriage fears that I'm not sure I have recovered from from the first time around. I am ridiculously lucky (and thankful) to have such a beautiful little girl but I will always mourn the baby that wasn't meant to be. Anyway, don't be expecting any big news anytime soon - the military has conveniently scheduled the Pte. to be away for training purposes for my next 3 or 4 months of ovulating (so far). You know what they say, If the Army wanted you to have a child, they would have issued you one - of course they typically say that about wives. Luckily I squeaked in just before the Army got their hooks into the Pte.

- Being an Army Wife is something that I am so amazingly proud to be. Something that I strive to improve on each and every day. Something that is ridiculously hard to handle. There, I said it. The Army is my husband's number one priority 90% of the time. It sets some pretty high standards for the other 10% of the time. The other 10% which is typically filled with sleeping, watching Army movies, talking about Army training, talking about or to his Army buddies, and getting ready to leave us and head back to his life on the base. It is frustrating and a hard pill to swallow. It is hard enough to shove a weeks worth of love and affection (and attention!) into 48 hours without making the majority of it Army focused. But like I said, I strive to improve on my Army Wife duties every day. To wrestle with the dog when she stares after me hoping Daddy will be getting out of the Jeep too. To give our little girl extra hugs and kisses and Dad Dad loves you so much's. To remind myself that the Pte. is doing something so amazing, that he truly loves, and that doesn't mean he loves me any less. Yeah, work in progress...

- My sweet Bubby Girl is crawling on her hands and knees, clapping her hands, making kissy noises with her mouth as she waves goodbye, climbing up onto everything, standing without holding onto anything, laughing, and crying her sweet little crocodile tears. She is more than I could have ever wanted and all that I could ever need. Her and the Pte. are the loves of my life. I'm a very lucky girl.

On that note, I will end this update with the hope that I will check back in more frequently. It's good for my sanity - spelling it out like this. It's a little me time that isn't distracted by life. Now if only I can pull myself away from the computer in order to continue the scarf I'm knitting for the Pte....

- The Mrs.